The twins are on a mission to cordially greet everyone who crosses their paths these days. From fellow grocery store patrons to the homeless guy at the stoplight begging for cash, the boys aren't afraid to extend a friendly greeting. The worst is when a shady-looking guy rings the doorbell in the middle of the day and my efforts to feign absence are foiled when the boys precariously perch themselves on the arm of the recliner, and while balancing themselves on the window sill, brush the vertical blinds aside and wave their hands while yelling, "HI, MAN!" over and over again until they gain said man's attention. At that point I just make sure the door is deadbolted and pray that the strange man will quickly retreat and proceed along his merry way to harass some other stay-at-home-mom.
Albeit unusual to hear coming from a 3-year-old's mouth, "Hi, man" is not an entirely socially unacceptable salutation. "Hi, woman," however, is much less acceptable nowadays than it was when Jesus walked the Earth. Unfortunately, this has not kept the boys from merrily greeting total strangers by chirping, "Hi, woman!" Most women who are greeted by the boys in this manner are forgiving--their countenances slightly contort as if to say, "Did he really just say that?" and they giggle politely. Only once did a rather sour woman retort, "Yes, I am a woman". I was so embarrassed. After that incident, we tried especially hard to teach the boys to say "Hi, ma'am" in lieu of "Hi, woman," but since the difference between "ma'am" and "man" is so subtle, this proved to be rather confusing for the boys. We decided that it'd probably be even worse for the boys to accidentally say, "Hi, man" when addressing a lady, so we initially didn't press the issue. But after a few weeks of persistent drilling, they now understand the difference and enjoy correcting each other.
Imagine me navigating an aisle at Trader Joe's with a cartful for groceries and three little boys in tow. We pass a person of the female persuasion, and the following conversation ensues:
Joshua: "Hi, woman!"
Caleb: "No, Joshua. It's hi MAN!"
Joshua: "No, Caleb, it's hi, ma-MUH!"
Caleb: "That's right. Hi, ma-MUH!"
The amused woman chuckles kindly and I muster an apologetic smile, wondering how someone as fiercely introverted as myself could have possibly given birth to such extroverted children!
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