The Elusive Deuce

Potty training has probably been my least favorite aspect of parenting thus far, rivaled only by the infant twins phase in which I rarely slept for more than one or two hours at a time for several months. Yes, it has been that bad. Caleb and Joshua have been peeing on the potty since early June and they've been pooping on the potty since early October, but there was a time not too long ago when I honestly believed that they would still be pooping in diapers on their 4th birthday.

Even though the twins wore underwear full-time during the day, when they needed to poop, they'd beg for a diaper. Any attempts to get them to sit on the potty to poop were met with blood-curdling shrieks and violent protest. When I eventually stopped caving in to their requests for a diaper, they'd schedule their poops around their sleeping schedules, since we still put them in diapers at bedtime. They'd either sneak in a poo right before bedtime or first thing in the morning before I even realized they were awake. Instead of their usual tradition of running into our bedroom and jumping into bed with me as soon as they woke up each morning, they'd stealthily poop in their diapers at their bedside, then postpone the inevitable scolding by lurking silently there until their stench wafted out of their room to greet my beleaguered nose. I would berate them, change their diapers, then we'd get on with our lives until the next morning. It was a vicious cycle.

Then one mild early October morning, I had not been feeling well and was lying in bed trying to get some extra rest when the boys staggered into our bedroom with soggy, stinky diapers, pestering me to change them. I buried my head in my pillow and refused. They continued to whine and plead, and that's when I decided enough was enough. I got dressed, escorted them outside, removed their diapers, and hosed them down, calmly explaining to them that this is what would happen from now on if they pooped in their diapers. The boys loved being sprayed with the hose in the context of playing outside in their swimsuits, but this time they knew I was not playing games. Meanwhile, Moses had crawled up to the screen door to see what all the fuss was about. I went to greet him, only to discover a sticky brown substance on his hands and knees. Upon further investigation, I concluded that he had crawled through poo that had leaked out of his brothers' diapers and fallen onto the living room rug. I was furious!

I ushered the twins back into the house and escorted them directly to the bathtub, where they proceeded to take a cold shower. Just like with the hose, they have previously been known to enjoy and even request cold showers, but this time they knew it was not for fun. While they were in the shower, I washed off Moses and gave him a new change of clothes, then cleaned and disinfected the rug. After a few minutes, I let the boys out of the bathtub and dried them off, explaining to them that from now on, every time they pooped in their diapers they'd get a cold shower in addition to being sprayed with the hose. They earnestly promised they would poop on the potty from now on, and a couple days later, after much coaxing, a few tears, and ample reassurance that "you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you", they did it! They haven't even had any major accidents since then.

Just as we suspected, the twins were fully capable of being potty trained a long time ago--they were just too stubborn and it took some rather drastic measures to break them of their stubbornness. They now take great pride in pooping on the potty. Caleb still likes for us to sit with him and coach him through the process, but Joshua requests that we close the door and give him privacy while he takes care of business. We're so proud of them both, and are so relieved that this unpleasant chapter of parenting our sweet twins is finally over.